Monday, August 24, 2009

A confession (Upon reading Lamentions 2 and 3)

Too long have I put this off, too many things have I sought to distract me. As a man dying of thirst runs from the stream and looks for wine to drink instead, so have I been running from the life-giving substance I know is right here before me. But I am tired of running, tired of fighting a thirst I know deep down cannot be slaked by anything else. I know what is needed, what it is that my soul so desperately craves; a full plunge into the stream of the living water of the Holy Spirit.

I have been tiptoeing around in the shallows for so very long, even occasionally venturing out to try and dip my head under. Yet, here I still stand on the brink, afraid to dive in. Like a man afraid of the shock he will receive when he submerses himself in cold water, I retreat back when the fear takes over. The fear of what full and abandoned submersion will feel like, the fear of having to adjust myself to the temperature of the water and the fear that maybe I never will. But, as I ponder on this, I remember that the shock of jumping into cold water only lasts momentarily when the motive is to gain as much joy and pleasure as possible by doing activities that warm you and make you forget why you even hesitated in the first place. I also think of time when I physically took the plunge into a cold swimming pool just to be with the people I cared about and loved. To be a part of their happiness and love and to experience it in myself. There were times that I think of though, when I chose not to jump in, preferring to miss out on the laughter, love, and fellowship. I later regretted my choice at those times, knowing that I had missed an opportunity that would never come my way again. As I think back on my regret and on the loss which can never be repaired, I know that I can't go on piddling about on the edge, backing away, hoping to find other streams more suited to my taste in temperature. Streams that don't demand a complete re-adjustment of the entire body, mind, and soul. Water that I don't have to keep active in to keep warm, that I can just float along in. I must go all in because I do not want to live my life in regret. I want to leave this life knowing I gave all and risked all.

So, too long has my wavering spirit been within me. Arise my soul, take your plunge into the deepest waters of the fountain spring of God's Heart. Drink deeply of the water and fill yourself with the presence of His Spirit. No more tiny sips like a rebellious child who refuses to give in to his parents command that he drink it all, even though he knows the command is for his good. Because, my soul, you are a rebellious child. Knowing and experiencing the greatest gift of all, God's Spirit of Love, you have spurned all but the bare minimum. Like a person offered a feast, you accept only bread and water. Like someone given the most luxurious suite in a hotel, you choose to stay in the attic. And you are a deceitful child as well, for you write to others, telling them of the grand things you eat and the wonderful places you stay, not mentioning that you are in actuality shutting out the very things you brag of. You even deceive yourself, convincing and soothing by declaring all is well and this is as good as it can get.

"The Lord is in the right, for I have rebelled against His Word.
But hear all you people and look at my suffering. For these
things I weep upon my bed, my tears flow with tears. A
Comforter is far from me, one that can revive my spirit. I
called to others but they have deceived me. Look, O Lord, I
am in deep distress. My stomach churns, my heart is torn
within my breast. I have been very rebellious."

And so my soul, you have admitted your guilt before God. Now turn and repent my soul! Declare your repentance without ceasing.

"Let tears stream down like a torrent day and night. Give your-
self no rest, your eyes no respite! Arise, cry out in the night, at
the very beginning of the evening. Pour out your heart like water
before the presence of the Lord. Lift your hands to Him in prayer."

But I feel that I am not worthy to be forgiven. That indeed, I am deserving of the punishment he has placed upon me.

"He has driven and brought me into the darkness without any light
Though I call and cry out for help, He shuts out my prayers.
I am filled with bitterness, my soul is bereft of peace. I have
forgotten what happiness is. Because of this, my endurance is
gone and so is my hope from the Lord. When I remember all
this, I am always overwhelmed inside."

But my soul, remember what is promised in the scriptures; the precious promises that never fail us. Give your self reminder that:

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never
come to an end, they are new every morning."

Yes, oh yes, my soul! Arise, enter the stream of His love, mercy, and tender faithfulness and cry aloud His praise!

"The Lord is my portion' says my soul, therefore, I will hope in
Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to those who
seek Him."

So wait my soul, wait for the Lord to fulfill His abundant promises. Wait and wonder at the grace and wondrous forgiveness you have been shown. Give yourself daily reminder that the afflictions and temptations of the present are to be endured in hope.

"It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the
Lord. It is good for a person that they bear this burden of
waiting in their youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is
laid upon him; let him put his mouth in the dust because there
may yet be hope. For the Lord will not cast off forever, but
though He cause grief, He will have compassion according to
the abundance of His steadfast love. Therefore, my eyes will
flow without ceasing, without respite, until the Lord from
heaven looks down and sees."

Remember my soul, that is is through the hand of the Lord that everything comes to pass. Blessing and punishment, conviction and confession. Good times and bad. So, do not complain of your situation but rather "test and examine your ways and return to God. Lift up your heart and hands to God in heaven."

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The last two weeks + pictures

Sorry about not keeping up too well everyone! Maybe I'm just being ego-centric when I say that. It probably doesn't matter to hardly anyone whether I keep this blog up or not but in case it does, sorry again.

So, to recap quickly the last two weeks. I had a holiday July 29th through August 2nd and I took advantage of the time off to go hiking in the mountains and visit the local amusement park. It was a good time to revamp from the crazy cycle of teaching and I also enjoyed spending three days of outside activity. The last two days of vacation weren't very fun however as I came down with something and spent most of that Saturday and Sunday in bed recovering.

Last week found me back at DDD teaching as usual although with a bit heavier schedule as I was covering for teachers who were taking a few days off. I had a ENT seminar on Saturday which involved all the other ENTs from the four branches of DDD in Daegu meeting together and discussing good teaching methods. I knew a few of the ENTs from going to observe another school so I went with a few of them for lunch afterwards.

Sunday I gave my testimony to the two English childrens services at Dongshin Church. The first time was very brief because they were very young and understood little but the second was much longer and detailed. I enjoyed speaking to the kids from my heart about what God had done in my life and what He had called me to do. I shared the verses of Hebrews 12:1-2 and 28-29 as my message. They seemed to receive it well and understand (I think).

This week is going well. I have a class that has been giving me trouble but today was much better. I hope I've hit upon a method that works.

I am including links to the pictures I have uploaded onto Facebook. If you can't get them, just let me know and I'll try to figure out something else.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2028995&id=1404165545&l=ad289f2517
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2030069&id=1404165545&l=85422a8942
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2030071&id=1404165545&l=2c8e6a60ab

Farewell!

Wisdom through love

She was the beginning of the journey, the firstborn of our family's "girls". Lost from the moment we saw her abundant curly hair atop the round cheeked face, capitulation to her charms continued as we eagerly awaited her arrival. When we held her in our arms, we felt that a dark-haired little angel with nut brown skin had been given to us. As she grew, so did our adoration and devotion. But the thing that amazed and attracted the most was how well she lived up to her name.

Sophia Love.

You see, Sophia in the Greek means 'wisdom' and when combined with Love, can mean "wisdom with love" or "wisdom through love". Our Sophia does both. She shows wisdom with love because she loves unconditionally, and without pretense, and as that is how the Bible teaches us to love, I would say she is demonstrating wisdom every single day. Every time she throws her arms around a complete stranger and shares a ray of complete and uninhibited love with that person, every time we hug her and feel the better for it, it is a reminder that she showing us wisdom through love because she loves "not in word or talk, but in deed and truth." Whenever people receive an act of love from Sophia, they have the assurance that she is doing it solely because she loves them and not for any other reason. That's why her hugs and kisses are so welcome; they are unhindered and untainted. Some might say its utter foolishness to love the way she does, without any reason or prompting. But what is foolishness to us is wisdom in God's eyes. And I think that's why He made her like she is. So that we world weary people, jaded and suspicious of everything, could have a source of love that we did not have to earn, that we knew was truly genuine, and give us a little clearer picture of what His love is like.

So we have been the beneficiaries of her love for eight wonderful years now and I pray that many more years and people will be enriched and enlightened by the love of Sophia. The love of wisdom.

I wish I were there to get a hug right now. Since I can't, everybody else will have to do double duty for me which no one will mind I'm sure.

Happy early Birthday Phi-Phi Love!

Love, Sessa