A confession (Upon reading Lamentions 2 and 3)

Too long have I put this off, too many things have I sought to distract me. As a man dying of thirst runs from the stream and looks for wine to drink instead, so have I been running from the life-giving substance I know is right here before me. But I am tired of running, tired of fighting a thirst I know deep down cannot be slaked by anything else. I know what is needed, what it is that my soul so desperately craves; a full plunge into the stream of the living water of the Holy Spirit.

I have been tiptoeing around in the shallows for so very long, even occasionally venturing out to try and dip my head under. Yet, here I still stand on the brink, afraid to dive in. Like a man afraid of the shock he will receive when he submerses himself in cold water, I retreat back when the fear takes over. The fear of what full and abandoned submersion will feel like, the fear of having to adjust myself to the temperature of the water and the fear that maybe I never will. But, as I ponder on this, I remember that the shock of jumping into cold water only lasts momentarily when the motive is to gain as much joy and pleasure as possible by doing activities that warm you and make you forget why you even hesitated in the first place. I also think of time when I physically took the plunge into a cold swimming pool just to be with the people I cared about and loved. To be a part of their happiness and love and to experience it in myself. There were times that I think of though, when I chose not to jump in, preferring to miss out on the laughter, love, and fellowship. I later regretted my choice at those times, knowing that I had missed an opportunity that would never come my way again. As I think back on my regret and on the loss which can never be repaired, I know that I can't go on piddling about on the edge, backing away, hoping to find other streams more suited to my taste in temperature. Streams that don't demand a complete re-adjustment of the entire body, mind, and soul. Water that I don't have to keep active in to keep warm, that I can just float along in. I must go all in because I do not want to live my life in regret. I want to leave this life knowing I gave all and risked all.

So, too long has my wavering spirit been within me. Arise my soul, take your plunge into the deepest waters of the fountain spring of God's Heart. Drink deeply of the water and fill yourself with the presence of His Spirit. No more tiny sips like a rebellious child who refuses to give in to his parents command that he drink it all, even though he knows the command is for his good. Because, my soul, you are a rebellious child. Knowing and experiencing the greatest gift of all, God's Spirit of Love, you have spurned all but the bare minimum. Like a person offered a feast, you accept only bread and water. Like someone given the most luxurious suite in a hotel, you choose to stay in the attic. And you are a deceitful child as well, for you write to others, telling them of the grand things you eat and the wonderful places you stay, not mentioning that you are in actuality shutting out the very things you brag of. You even deceive yourself, convincing and soothing by declaring all is well and this is as good as it can get.

"The Lord is in the right, for I have rebelled against His Word.
But hear all you people and look at my suffering. For these
things I weep upon my bed, my tears flow with tears. A
Comforter is far from me, one that can revive my spirit. I
called to others but they have deceived me. Look, O Lord, I
am in deep distress. My stomach churns, my heart is torn
within my breast. I have been very rebellious."

And so my soul, you have admitted your guilt before God. Now turn and repent my soul! Declare your repentance without ceasing.

"Let tears stream down like a torrent day and night. Give your-
self no rest, your eyes no respite! Arise, cry out in the night, at
the very beginning of the evening. Pour out your heart like water
before the presence of the Lord. Lift your hands to Him in prayer."

But I feel that I am not worthy to be forgiven. That indeed, I am deserving of the punishment he has placed upon me.

"He has driven and brought me into the darkness without any light
Though I call and cry out for help, He shuts out my prayers.
I am filled with bitterness, my soul is bereft of peace. I have
forgotten what happiness is. Because of this, my endurance is
gone and so is my hope from the Lord. When I remember all
this, I am always overwhelmed inside."

But my soul, remember what is promised in the scriptures; the precious promises that never fail us. Give your self reminder that:

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never
come to an end, they are new every morning."

Yes, oh yes, my soul! Arise, enter the stream of His love, mercy, and tender faithfulness and cry aloud His praise!

"The Lord is my portion' says my soul, therefore, I will hope in
Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to those who
seek Him."

So wait my soul, wait for the Lord to fulfill His abundant promises. Wait and wonder at the grace and wondrous forgiveness you have been shown. Give yourself daily reminder that the afflictions and temptations of the present are to be endured in hope.

"It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the
Lord. It is good for a person that they bear this burden of
waiting in their youth. Let him sit alone in silence when it is
laid upon him; let him put his mouth in the dust because there
may yet be hope. For the Lord will not cast off forever, but
though He cause grief, He will have compassion according to
the abundance of His steadfast love. Therefore, my eyes will
flow without ceasing, without respite, until the Lord from
heaven looks down and sees."

Remember my soul, that is is through the hand of the Lord that everything comes to pass. Blessing and punishment, conviction and confession. Good times and bad. So, do not complain of your situation but rather "test and examine your ways and return to God. Lift up your heart and hands to God in heaven."

The last two weeks + pictures

Sorry about not keeping up too well everyone! Maybe I'm just being ego-centric when I say that. It probably doesn't matter to hardly anyone whether I keep this blog up or not but in case it does, sorry again.

So, to recap quickly the last two weeks. I had a holiday July 29th through August 2nd and I took advantage of the time off to go hiking in the mountains and visit the local amusement park. It was a good time to revamp from the crazy cycle of teaching and I also enjoyed spending three days of outside activity. The last two days of vacation weren't very fun however as I came down with something and spent most of that Saturday and Sunday in bed recovering.

Last week found me back at DDD teaching as usual although with a bit heavier schedule as I was covering for teachers who were taking a few days off. I had a ENT seminar on Saturday which involved all the other ENTs from the four branches of DDD in Daegu meeting together and discussing good teaching methods. I knew a few of the ENTs from going to observe another school so I went with a few of them for lunch afterwards.

Sunday I gave my testimony to the two English childrens services at Dongshin Church. The first time was very brief because they were very young and understood little but the second was much longer and detailed. I enjoyed speaking to the kids from my heart about what God had done in my life and what He had called me to do. I shared the verses of Hebrews 12:1-2 and 28-29 as my message. They seemed to receive it well and understand (I think).

This week is going well. I have a class that has been giving me trouble but today was much better. I hope I've hit upon a method that works.

I am including links to the pictures I have uploaded onto Facebook. If you can't get them, just let me know and I'll try to figure out something else.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2028995&id=1404165545&l=ad289f2517
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2030069&id=1404165545&l=85422a8942
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2030071&id=1404165545&l=2c8e6a60ab

Farewell!

Wisdom through love

She was the beginning of the journey, the firstborn of our family's "girls". Lost from the moment we saw her abundant curly hair atop the round cheeked face, capitulation to her charms continued as we eagerly awaited her arrival. When we held her in our arms, we felt that a dark-haired little angel with nut brown skin had been given to us. As she grew, so did our adoration and devotion. But the thing that amazed and attracted the most was how well she lived up to her name.

Sophia Love.

You see, Sophia in the Greek means 'wisdom' and when combined with Love, can mean "wisdom with love" or "wisdom through love". Our Sophia does both. She shows wisdom with love because she loves unconditionally, and without pretense, and as that is how the Bible teaches us to love, I would say she is demonstrating wisdom every single day. Every time she throws her arms around a complete stranger and shares a ray of complete and uninhibited love with that person, every time we hug her and feel the better for it, it is a reminder that she showing us wisdom through love because she loves "not in word or talk, but in deed and truth." Whenever people receive an act of love from Sophia, they have the assurance that she is doing it solely because she loves them and not for any other reason. That's why her hugs and kisses are so welcome; they are unhindered and untainted. Some might say its utter foolishness to love the way she does, without any reason or prompting. But what is foolishness to us is wisdom in God's eyes. And I think that's why He made her like she is. So that we world weary people, jaded and suspicious of everything, could have a source of love that we did not have to earn, that we knew was truly genuine, and give us a little clearer picture of what His love is like.

So we have been the beneficiaries of her love for eight wonderful years now and I pray that many more years and people will be enriched and enlightened by the love of Sophia. The love of wisdom.

I wish I were there to get a hug right now. Since I can't, everybody else will have to do double duty for me which no one will mind I'm sure.

Happy early Birthday Phi-Phi Love!
Love, Sessa

The post you've been waiting for...picture post!

Yes, its true! I have finally taken some pictures of my classes, the kids, and a few random shots of Korea. I have no idea how to put them on here. We'll see how it goes. Here is the link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2028510&id=1404165545&l=6fdaa1876a

So, to update on the news. I have pretty much been doing the same things for the past two weeks as I was doing before. Teaching, Korean class, church, tutoring at the orphanage, etc.

In Korean class, I now have a vocabulary of about 30-40 words and some conversational phrases. Interesting tidbit; in Korea they have this saying "Please be nice to me" which you might use with a superior at work or to someone you meet because you're a foreigner. Transliterated it sounds something like "jal bu tak heyo". The girl I was working with laughed when we learned it and said she had never used that phrase before. She said the younger generation didn't use it and if I were to use it, "use ONLY with older people." I was told on Saturday by at least two people that my accent sounded very good and that I seemed to be doing well at learning a language. I hope they're right!

Teaching is going well. I now have two more classes I'm teaching. One is a special class on Monday nights for two higher level girls and the other is a brand new beginner class. There are three little girls ages 6 and 7 in it and I got the opportunity to give two of them their English names so I named them after Erika and Hannah, my sisters. They are so much fun to teach.

Saturday the 18th was tutoring day and I tutored the same little boy named Dong Min. He's really quite funny and has a great attitude. We had a birthday cake for two of the kids and then played some baseball, soccer, and football with them afterwards. This coming Saturday we are taking the kids swimming at a rec center and then the next Saturday we are taking them to a baseball game. It should be good times.

This past Saturday, I went to Outback Steakhouse (yes, they have one here!) with some people from church to celebrate the birthday of one of the church leaders. After a shockingly westernized lunch, four people of the younger, single set and I decided to go downtown and hang out. We ended up going to an arcade for awhile and playing lots of games and then Sam, the native Korean guy with us who spoke phenomenal English, asked if we wanted to go billi-bowling. I had never heard of it before but all the others had played so we went so a place called Billi-bow's for some action. It turned out the game was a combination of billiards and bowling. The alley was up on tables and you shot the billiard sized ball with a cue stick down the alley to try and knock over the miniture bowling pins. It was lots of fun but frankly, I didn't show much of a knack for it. We also played darts and I fared better there. All in all, it was good times and good fellowship.

Well, I will wrap this up. Next post should be less boring. I have a few days of vacation coming up and I am planning on going hiking on at least two mountains and going to an amusement park. There is also a very tall tower in the park that has a rotating restaurant at the top and a bungee jump of sorts for those so inclined. I think I might just do it for the experience.

Till next time!

Bigah Sue

There is a little girl
Her name is Bigah Sue
Her eyes and smile capture
When she looks at you

Always up to mischief
Always on the run
But if and when you catch her
She'll make your life so fun

With eyes of sky
And hair of corn
And skin as fair
As the day she was born

Some people love her
Who've never even met her
And some people wonder
At our luck to get her

But I know it was not
"Luck" that stepped in
It was God and His plan
That made her my kin

The day she was created
A huge smile was what He wore
As He looked at the clay in His hands
And saw something so much more

"Oh my child" He breathed
And then He laughed with delight
"You will be a joy to create
A magnificent sight"

"A heart as innocent
And pure as gold
With a sprinkling of cheekiness
To keep them on their toes"

"A smile full of sunshine
That lights an entire room
And enough love in your heart
To pierce the darkest gloom"

"I will keep from you the knowledge
Of mens' cruel greed and malice
And through you bring the world
Affection without prejudice"

"The world will call you defected
Unfit to live or be born
But they cannot see you are perfected
Unblemished and untorn"

"I will place you in a family
To flourish and to grow
And as they wait for you
They cannot even begin to know"

"The love you will give
The joy you will be
The blessings you will bring
To their happy family"

"These are the gifts I give
For you are MINE
And you are special
An image DIVINE"

So with an almighty flourish
On July 27th, 2003
He fashioned the life
By spoken decree

And I'm so glad He did
Such a miracle that day
A little sister to love
To laugh and to play

So Happy Birthday from Sessa
My little Bigah Sue
You are my white-haired angel
And I will always love you.

Pancakes and Memories

If you want to get nostalgic in a hurry, just move to South Korea and make yourself some buttermilk pancakes with strawberry preserves...at least this is what I have found works anyways. I went to the store tonight and purchased all the necessary ingredients for pancakes (which was NOT an easy task let me tell you). I just wanted to sink my teeth into some good old-fashioned hotcakes smothered in lots of maple syrup. Well, I found out that maple syrup is impossible to find here so I settled for strawberry jam, which in my opinion, is just as good anyhow. SO when I got to my apartment, I whipped up some batter, measuring out by eyeball as we don't have measuring utensils here. It turned out looking pretty good so I poured the cakes and got cooking. I sat down with a plate of strawberry covered cakes minutes later, itching to taste them melting in my mouth. But I was not prepared for what hit me at the first bite. Don't misunderstand. The pancakes were awesome (not to brag, just stating facts) but it was the smell and taste triggering memories that knocked me for a loop. I just sort of froze for a second with my fork in my hand as I remembered.

See, pancakes with strawberry jam is what my daddy made for me the first morning I started driving for UPS and also what he made the first morning I started college. And he also made me french toast the morning I left for Florida. I don't know if he remembers those mornings but I do. I know it seems like nothing much but I know that my dad was showing his love for me by making me a good breakfast. I even remember him saying the morning of UPS, "You need to eat cause you're gonna need all the energy you can get" and I was too nervous to eat much of anything. My dad has always been an early riser and often makes breakfast on Saturdays for the family. I realize now that its just one of the many ways he shows love to us. He doesn't have to do that and he didn't have to do it for me on those occasions but he did because he loved me and wanted the best for me. Making breakfast was just a way for him to express that. So, thanks Daddy, for breakfast and for loving me enough to make me pancakes at 5:30 in the morning. I love you more than I can say!

THE DAEGU NEWS BULLETIN "A rather blustery day"

Annyong! Today is very windy, with a smattering of sprinkles and general cloudiness. However, if it wasn't so blustery, the air would be be totally saturated with moisture. As it is, the mugginess is bearable. That's it for the weather report, now for the top headlines!

Well, it appears not much is happening at the moment besides the usual weekly activities of teaching, Korean lessons, and church. Today's top story involves the college and career Korean worship service. The sermon, while not understood very well by one worshipper in particular, was excellent and in summary was about how our lives are changed by Jesus Christ and that through difficult circumstances, we should be mindful of that change and praise Him. Regretfully, a foreigner who was in attendance came down with a headache and could not participate in small groups afterwards. In the weekly news, 3 classes were given oral tests by their Mingugin teacher and all did very well. And now, time for sports!

In the sports world, a few new developments are taking place. First, a certain foreign teacher was spotted this morning at Duryu Park taking advantage of some newly purchased roller blades on the skating area. Then, she was seen getting in a 2.5 mile run afterward. All of this activity in the extra humid weather produced an enormous amount of sweat but it did not seem to deter that teacher. In the coming week, it is rumored she will start Taekwondo lessons again. It is also known that this teacher intends to find out how to become a member of her in-apartment gym so as to take advantage of the very nice weight equipment. And as we leave the world of sports behind, we will now enter the world of the arts.

Topping the news of the arts is the recent acquirement of new skills by a guitar-playing teacher. She had now learned a new song which in difficulty, has proved somewhat of a challenge to both strumming and finger work. However, now that she has worn new blisters on her fingertips by constant practice, the song and the confidence gets better every day. Moving on, it looks like there is news on the food watch.

On Saturday, a few ladies and their foreign friend from the English Bible Study went to a local Chinese restaurant for some delectable cuisine. On the menu was Dyong Bon (the spicy soup from last Sunday) and chunks of fried pork smothered in a sweet, sticky sauce. It was delicious and was enjoyed by all.

Well, we hope you have enjoyed our broadcast for this evening. We hope you'll join us again next time for the latest news and happenings in Daegu city. Till then, annyong i kaseyo!